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When We’re Blind to Love

For many of us, having love in our life is the whipped cream on top of … well… just about anything. It makes life delicious!

If we grew up not feeling loved or understood or as connected as we wanted, we may have blocks to allowing warm, loving connection into our lives now. We may not notice it when it’s offered to us. We can literally be blind to love.

Sometimes tapping while we ask for what we want can open new doorways. It can certainly help us understand what our blocks are. A knowing what the problem is makes it lots easier to clear!

If we’ve been so tuned into the lack of love all around us, we may not be sending a clear request to the Universe. Clarifying what we want and asking for it can be a good way to start a new pattern. It may bring up old hurts, grief, and pain at first… if the feelings are intense, get help! You don’t have to do this alone. What better way to teach your primitive brain that it can have support and love, than to offer it proof… get a private session, join a group, tap with a buddy.

As you do this tapping, notice what thoughts come up. Is there an argument going on in your head? This is good data! Instead of getting frustrated, write down the phrases. Those phrases make perfect tapping material!

How does your body feel when you tap on this subject? If it feels warm and open, then you’re doing great! If you feel tension, resistance, fear, or sheer terror, that’s really okay. You just learned something incredibly important… Love doesn’t feel completely safe to you.

The beautiful thing is that you can tap on those fears and transform them so you can feel loved and connected. It may take a bit of work, but the results feel incredible! You can get help with this process, too. Having caring support and guidance while you clear those fears and hurts can accelerate your process and help your primitive brain feel safe opening up. Our group coaching program is a great way to connect with others on the same path, and gain insights and personal power:

http://www.thrivingnow.com/team

You can always change the words to fit what feels right to you. What is it that you want? What words to you use to describe what’s in your heart?

And if you prefer the word Source, God, or no name at all, the Universe is loving and doesn’t care what you call it.

Let’s do some tapping:

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve felt alone and scared for a long time, I ask the Universe to bring me warm, loving connections and help me be open to noticing and receiving love.

Even though I decided I must not deserve love because I felt alone and scared so much of the time, a lot has changed since then and I’m healing more each day. I ask the Universe to draw my attention to opportunities to love and be loved.

Even though I was starting to believe I lived in an emotional wasteland, with little love and connection, I ask the Universe to guide me and send me new and wonderful opportunities for my heart to connect with others.

Top of the Head: I’ve felt so alone.
Eyebrow: I really hurt.
Side of the Eye: I thought this was how it was.
Under the Eye: Never enough love.
Under the Nose: Never enough connection and laughter.
Chin:
I felt like I had to earn it.
Collarbone: I thought I had to fight for it.
Under the Arm: I kept trying, until it wore me out.

Top of the Head: I have changed a lot.
Eyebrow: I’m still changing.
Side of the Eye: I’m tapping into new energies within me… as we speak.
Under the Eye:
Maybe I can allow love now.
Under the Nose: Maybe I can just ask for it and let it flow in.
Chin:
My heart is full of love.
Collarbone: What if I could love myself just a little…
Under the Arm: While I allow others to love me, right now?

Top of the Head: I want soft, tender touch.
Eyebrow: I want safe, respectful play.
Side of the Eye: I want laughter and sharing.
Under the Eye:
I want passion and mutual attraction.
Under the Nose: I ask the Universe to send that to me…
Chin:
In the form of friends, romance, and unexpected encounters.
Collarbone: I live in a new world now.
Under the Arm: I’m ready for beautiful new interactions.

Top of the Head: I ask the Universe to help me be open.
Eyebrow: Please help me release my fears.
Side of the Eye: I want to enjoy the connections deeply…
Under the Eye: And feel how loved I truly am.
Under the Nose:
I ask the Universe to draw my attention…
Chin: To love that is all around me.
Collarbone: And help me to love myself.
Under the Arm: I request deep and beautiful connection.
Top of the Head: And I thank the Universe for all the wonder I receive.

Take a deep breath.

How do you feel?

You may find it helpful to tap through this a few times a day for a week or so, until you get used to being open to noticing and allowing love. Some of those patterns may have taken decades to form, so be gentle with yourself as you create new habits that meet your needs better and help you feel really good.

If you enjoyed this, you may also like this article on Allowing Love as well:

http://www.thrivingnow.com/allowing-love/

And remember, there is help out there. We look forward to connecting with you when you become a part of our loving circle of supportive friends:

http://www.thrivingnow.com/team

Dr. Phil Mollon on Trauma

We have enjoyed the insights and teachings of Dr. Phil Mollon, a British psychoanalyst who works with a combined attention to the dynamics of the mind and the energy fields of the body – resulting in the approach called Psychoanalytic Energy Psychotherapy. Here is his latest article on Trauma:

Brief comments on trauma – and the contribution of psychoanalytic energy psychotherapy

Phil Mollon PhD.

All traumas – experiences that overwhelm a person’s coping capacities – are difficult to recover from, but some are worse than others. Some traumas smash the soul. These are those malign experiences in which a person’s humanity has been systematically destroyed by a sadistic other, or group of others. Such events are of a different category than those that do not involve human malevolence – such as an experience of a car spinning out of control, for example.

Trauma shatters our illusion of safety, causing an influx of existential dread [Mollon 2002a]. Thus the effect of a trauma is not only to leave a legacy of fear in relation to situations closely associated with the traumatic event, but also to render the person generally fearful and in full awareness of ordinary human vulnerability. Where the person has been subject to systematic torture, whether by a state, a gang, or a family, he or she is in addition exposed to human malevolence.

When we are shocked and frightened, it is natural for us to want to turn to other human beings for comfort. In some circumstances it is those same human beings who are the agents of our trauma. This is both terrifying and mentally indigestible. Human beings seem mostly to manage to hold on to a sense of the existence of goodness in others until this is shattered by an encounter with intense badness.

For a child, the exposure to malevolence from a caregiver is probably an intolerable perception – an awareness that is therefore blocked. This is the central thesis of the book Betrayal Trauma by Jennifer Freyd [1996]. It was also a core theme in the work of the Scottish psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn [1952], who worked with abused children. He coined the term, the ‘moral defence’, referring to the child’s tendency to blame the self, to assume that the self is bad, rather than perceive the neglect or malevolence of the caregiver. Such blaming the self also provides some illusion of control – ‘it was my fault because I am so bad’ – in contrast with the true perception of helplessness.

A woman known to have been extensively sexually abused by her father, from an early age, objected to my use of the word ‘abuse’ when I interviewed her. She sternly rephrased my enquiry by replying “The first time I allowed my father to touch me sexually was when I was age 4”. In this way she shifted the locus of control from her father to herself.

It follows that a major hidden injury for those who have suffered interpersonal trauma is to the sense of trust – trust in others and trust in the self. Any attempt to bypass this issue and to persuade the traumatised person to trust are likely to compound the problem. Paradoxically, for those who have suffered interpersonal trauma, trusting others is felt to be the most dangerous and foolish position – and, thus, if such a person begins to trust, he or she will feel even more frightened and vulnerable [Mollon 1996]. At core, the belief may be that it is not safe to trust anyone – that the best stance is to assume that no-one can be trusted. Nevertheless, the urge to attach, to seek comfort, and to trust remains – and this conflict over reaching out versus remaining armoured within is at the heart of the dilemma of trauma.

Trauma tends to throw our natural direction of energies into reverse. Instead of seeking life, love, and joy, there is a flowing of life energy backwards [Diamond 1985] – an addiction to trauma, a fixation on traumatic memories, and a preoccupation with death. We are sucked into a psychic black hole – a maelstrom of trauma from which it can in some cases prove impossible to emerge.

We become identified with the trauma – fixed in the traumatic perspective. All life then becomes interpreted from the point of view of the trauma. It consumes our being. The traumatised person may also identify with the ones responsible for the trauma. These become internal voices, haunting reminders and continuing perpetrators of the trauma – taunting and disparaging from inside [Mollon 1996]. A woman reported having been subject to a horrifying and prolonged gang rape and torture session many years previously – and described being continually tormented by internal voices mocking her and addressing her with the same abusive words used originally by the gang members.

When we have been subject to prolonged interpersonal trauma, feelings of shame and guilt – and sense of one’s fundamental badness and worthlessness – become intensified, a state of toxic shame [Mollon 2002c]. Held naked before the black sun of human malevolence, all sense of personal value becomes burnt away. This is a common, yet insufficiently recognised result of prolonged abusive relationships amongst adults, where there has been a combination of physical and emotional violence – a systematic undermining of self-worth. Although not as damaging as childhood traumatic abuse or severe torture, the malign effect of toxic relationships on self-esteem, self-image, and mental health generally, should not be underestimated. Indeed the term ‘toxic relationship syndrome’ might often be relevant.

The brain of the traumatised person is altered by the overwhelming events – flooding with cortisol and other stress hormones can cause real physical alterations, especially if prolonged – resulting in sensitisation, such that stress responses are released ever more easily [van der Kolk et al.1996]. The amygdala fires relentlessly, generating fear, whilst hippocampal functioning is impaired, disrupting the normal coherence of perceptual and cognitive experience. The body too continues to resonate to the impact of the original trauma – generating the same physiological arousal, particularly to any cues associated with the trauma.

Trauma consumes the mind, the brain, and the body. Attempting to address the mind alone, as in traditional talking therapy, without taking account of what has happened to the brain and the body, is both futile and frustrating. This point is often emphasised by the Harvard psychiatric neuroscientist and trauma specialist Bessel van der Kolk, who advocates a variety of body-based approaches, including EMDR and ‘energy psychology’ methods.

In aiming to help the traumatised person, attention to building trust and a sense of safety in the therapeutic relationship is crucial – but often not sufficient. In addition, the traumatic memories themselves, along with associated beliefs and patterns of (now dysfunctional) safety-seeking behaviour need to be addressed and resolved. Unfortunately (and despite the ubiquitous hype about cognitive behaviour therapy) talking therapies are not able to do this very well. Often a traumatised person will feel much worse if asked to talk about their trauma. Repeatedly talking about it just makes the situation worse, stirring up affect and the physiology of stress whilst providing no relief or resolution. The traumatic memories need to be addressed, but approaching them too directly may have catastrophic results – a therapeutic process of ‘exposure’ or ‘flooding’ may be successful, but it can be a disaster.

Traumatic memories function like internal phobias. Just as a phobic person will avoid external situations that trigger their anxiety, and this avoidance will generalise over time, a similar process occurs in relation to internal foci of anxiety. The internal cognitive avoidance of traumatic memories steadily generalises, and more and more mental resources are consumed in the effort to avoid – mental and behavioural life become increasingly narrowed over time. This is the sad but common ‘natural history’ of trauma. Fortunately, there are effective non-verbal methods, adjunctive to talking, which can often help considerably.[see cautionary footnote regarding memory].

Part of the therapeutic task is to address and process the traumatic memories, without the person being left even more traumatised and destabilised as a result. The first effective treatment for trauma was Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing – developed by clinical psychologist Dr. Francine Shapiro in the late 1980s. Not in any way based on a theory, but deriving from empirical observation, EMDR makes use of eye movements, alternating sounds in each ear, or taps on the body, to provide bilateral body-brain stimulation whilst the person focuses on a traumatic memory. Typically distress initially rises as the traumatic memory is accessed, before eventually subsiding. The bilateral processing is continued until the memory can be considered calmly without distress. This method works well. Despite various controversies over its mode of action, and whether it differs fundamentally from ordinary exposure therapies, those who learn to use it with skill are almost always persuaded, by experience that it is superior to more simple cognitive and behavioural methods [Mollon 2005]. The drawback is that where the trauma has been prolonged, very severe, repeated, or links to extensive childhood trauma, EMDR can be hazardous. The body-tapping variant of EMDR seems gentler than the eye movement version.

For people who cannot tolerate EMDR, or for those who prefer a gentler approach, the various body-focused methods of ‘energy psychology’ are ideal. These involve having the person stimulate ‘energy sensitive’ areas of the body, such as acupressure points and chakras, whilst thinking of the trauma. For some reason these methods do not seem to require such vivid accessing of the trauma as does EMDR. Just a partial contact with the trauma, like dipping a psychic filament into the toxic memory, seems sufficient to bring about rapid desensitisation. Growing out of the early work of chiropractor George Goodheart and psychiatrist John Diamond in the 1960s-70s, the first clear version of what later came to be called ‘energy psychology’ methods was Thought Field Therapy, as developed by clinical psychologist Roger Callahan in the early 80s [Callahan 2001]. Callahan found that anxiety and trauma are patterned into the body’s energy system – this is the ‘thought field’. By addressing the body at the same time as the psyche, in rather particular and skilful ways, he found it was possible to eliminate the distress rather rapidly. Initially developed as a treatment for phobias, TFT was later found to be very effective for trauma – and has been used extensively in the wake of military and societal trauma and natural disasters [Callahan & Callahan 2000]. During the 1990s a number of others began teaching, adapting and researching Callahan’s methods. In 1995, a simplified version of TFT, called Emotional Freedom Techniques [EFT] was launched through a website. A California acupuncturist, Tapas Fleming, developed a very elegant and easy method involving holding meridian points and chakras on the head, whilst working through a short series of meditative thoughts. This has been found very effective and has been used successfully to treat military trauma. Asha Clinton, a Jungian psychotherapist and anthropologist, developed a deep and thorough approach combining psychotherapy and energy psychology – originally called Seemorg Matrix, but now renamed Advanced Integrative Therapy. My own approach, called Psychoanalytic Energy Psychotherapy, combines aspects of many energy psychology modalities with the perspectives from psychoanalysis and also cognitive therapy [Mollon 2008]. By 1998, the Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology [ACEP] had been formed by a group of well-credentialled clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, and social workers in the USA , to provide a professional base for supporting research, dissemination of clinical findings, and the development of a code of ethics. It now has an excellent certification programme for those interested in a broad grounding in energy psychology.

In working with the traumatised, we need to draw upon all the knowledge, skills, and relevant techniques available, (including neurobiology and psycho-endocrinology). No single approach has all the answers – but I am certain that the incorporation of energy psychology provides a huge leap forward in the therapeutic possibilities for people who have been traumatised.

References Callahan, R.J. 2001. Tapping the Healer Within. Chicago. Contemporary Books.

Callhahan, R.J. & Callahan, J. 2000. Stop the Nightmares of Trauma. Thought Field Therapy: the Power Therapy for the 21st Century. Chapel Hill. Professional Press.

Diamond, J. 1985. Life Energy. St Paul. MN. Paragon House.

Fairbairn. R.D. 1952. Psychoanalytic Studies of the Personality. London. Routledge.

Freyd, J. 1996. Betrayal Trauma. The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Cambridge, MA. Harvard University Press.

Mollon, P. 1996. Multiple Selves, Multiple Voices. Working with Trauma, Violation, and Dissociation. Chichester. Wiley.

Mollon, P. 2001. Shame and Jealousy. The Hidden Turmoils. London. Karnac.

Mollon, P. 2002a. Cracking the shell of illusion: a brief theory of trauma and dread. Chapter 1 in Mollon, P. Remembering Trauma. Second Edition. London. Whurr.

Mollon, P. 2002b. Remembering Trauma. A Psychotherapist’s Guide to Memory and Illusion. London. Whurr.

Mollon, P. 2005. EMDR and the Energy Therapies. Psychoanalytic Perspectives. London. Karnac.

Mollon, P. 2008. Psychoanalytic Energy Psychotherapy. London. Karnac.

Van der Kolk. B. A. McFarlane, A., & Weisath, L. [Eds.] Traumatic Stress. The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society. New York. Guildford.

Website links:
Psychoanalytic Energy Psychotherapy: http://www.philmollon.co.uk
Association for Comprehensive Energy Psychology: http://www.energypsych.org
Thought Field Therapy: http://www.thoughtfieldtherapy.co.uk http://www.tftrx.com
Emotional Freedom Techniques: http://www.eftuniverse.com
Tapas Acupressure Technique: http://www.tatlife.com
Seemorg Matrix/AIT: http://www.seemorg.com
Bessel Van der Kolk: http://www.traumacenter.org
Dr. John Diamond: http://www.drjohndiamond.com

Tapping Yourself to Sleep

We all have trouble sleeping sometimes. When you’re stressed or in pain (emotional or physical) it can be difficult to get the rest you desperately want… the rest your body is begging for. When you’re exhausted, it seems impossible to raise your vibration and feel just “okay” … and forget feeling joyful!

What do you do?

You can start by getting more present. When you’re short on sleep, it’s very easy to focus on future worries (I have that meeting at 8am, how am I ever going to make it), or the past (I knew I shouldn’t have had that coffee this afternoon, but I was so tired!). Being in the NOW helps quiet those voices and can help calm your body.

If you can, go someplace quiet, turn down the lights if that feels safe, and do some gentle tapping. Start by stating the truth, which can be a powerful way to be more present and grounded. Of course, feel free to change these words to fit your situation.

Karate Chop: Even though I am tense and anxious, I am actually safe right now.

I am tired and I want to sleep, that’s the truth.

I’m feeling frustrated and angry because I can’t sleep, and I am open to accepting myself anyway, right here, right now.

Top of the Head: I am tired…
Eyebrow: and I’m afraid I won’t be able to sleep.
Side of the Eye: I feel anxious!
Under the Eye: I feel tense and frustrated.
Under the Nose: Even though I have these feelings…
Chin: I am actually pretty safe.
Collarbone: Maybe I can accept myself just as I am.
Under the Arm: Even though part of me doesn’t want to sleep.

Top of the Head: Part of me is on guard.
Eyebrow: I’m glad that part of me cares about me.
Side of the Eye: And I ask it to notice that there isn’t a danger in this room right now.
Under the Eye: I am really tired,
Under the Nose: and I’d like to rest.
Chin: I am open to releasing this tension,
Collarbone: and really accepting myself.
Under the Arm: I’m okay just as I am.
Top of the Head: And it may be okay to sleep.

Take a deep breath and notice what came up when you said, “And it may be okay to sleep.”

Is there a inner voice arguing with you? Pay attention to what the inner voice is saying about why it isn’t safe to sleep. Tapping on those reasons now, or later with a tapping buddy or coach, may change the way you feel about sleep.

You may also find this breathing exercise on Thriving Now helpful.

Once you’re in bed, you can do a bit more to help yourself relax. Instead of tapping (which can sometimes be invigorating rather than restful), just touch your fingers to each point gently and take a breath while you lie in bed. And repeat phrases like this to help yourself relax and sleep well:

Karate Chop: Even though I am feeling stressed and nervous, and I have so much on my plate, it is safe to rest now and recover from my day.

Even though my body is tense and doesn’t know how to let go, I send it warm loving thoughts and let it know that I am safe right now.

Even though my mind won’t shut down, I thank it for all it has done for me today, and I offer it comfort and a time to be quiet.

Top of the Head: I am safe right now.
Eyebrow: I can let this go.
Side of the Eye: I can rest in this bed.
Under the Eye: These pillows are soft.
Under the Nose: The blankets are cozy.
Chin: It is okay to relax.
Collarbone: I release my tension.
Under the Arm: I am safe.

Top of the Head: I can allow myself to sleep deeply,
Eyebrow: all through the night.
Side of the Eye: It is okay to rest.
Under the Eye: I thank my body and my mind…
Under the Nose: for all they have done for me today.
Chin: I ask my body to relax.
Collarbone: I am ready to sleep…
Under the Arm: to rest…
Top of the Head: and feel safe.

Sweet dreams!

Cathy

What Brings You Joy?

Most people would love to feel more delight, more connection. But where is it?

It’s hard to find the time to do things we enjoy, there are bills to pay, work, kids, commitments. It can feel like you never quite get caught up enough to tune into the wonder of life. Or to take care of the blocks and fears that may get in the way of experiencing life the way you want to.

For a long time, I lived a waiting game. I knew I would be able to enjoy life when I was slender and in perfect shape, my house was clean, and all my bills were paid. When I didn’t feel so rushed and out of sorts. When I fell in love. My life was far from miserable, but I wasn’t really being in the moment because I was so focused on that future time when everything would fall in place and I would LIKE my life.

There are still days when I get caught up in my to-do list. When I don’t have time to catch my breath. But I’ve been allowing more joy in my life, finding myself more present and really, much happier!

How? I learned about tapping and I started releasing some unhelpful decisions I made years ago. Like the one that said I could be happy when I was perfect. And the one that said enjoying activities took too much time.

If you would like to be more present, and enjoy even routine tasks (it makes them fun and lots easier!), let’s do some tapping!

Karate chop: Even though I’ve been too busy to enjoy what I’m doing, I’m open to being more present and noticing the small joys in life.

Even though life doesn’t seem very joyful, and I feel disappointed and cheated, what if enjoyment is all around me?

Even though I decided I had to earn my enjoyment by getting things done, what if joy is all around, just like air and sunshine, and I just need to tune in?

Top of the Head: Where is my enjoyment?!
Eyebrow: I’ve been working so hard to be worthy.
Side of the Eye: And I’m tired!
Under the Eye: I never get what I want.
Under the Nose: When is it my turn?
Chin: When do I get to feel good?
Collarbone: Do I deserve it?
Under the Arm: What do I need to do?

Top of the Head: Maybe I don’t need to do anything…
Eyebrow: Except allow it?
Side of the Eye: That would be too easy.
Under the Eye: And really hard!
Under the Nose: I haven’t practiced that.
Chin: Can I let it in?
Collarbone: What if I can?
Under the Arm: What if I don’t have to wait?

Top of the Head: What if I could notice my breathing,
Eyebrow: and enjoy the feeling of air moving in and out of my body?
Side of the Eye: Could I find delight in washing a dish,
Under the Eye: with warm soapy water?
Under the Nose: Notice my capable hands taking care of this for me?
Chin: It needs to be done anyway.
Collarbone: Why can’t I enjoy it?
Under the Arm: What if I can start feeling joy now?

Take a deep breath, and notice what you’re feeling. If you feel tension or fear in any part of your body, you may have just found a block to joy. Congratulations! I know blocks aren’t fun, but until we know they’re there, it’s hard to release them!

You may find it helpful to write down the sensation, and any emotions or beliefs that are associated with it (Just ask yourself, what is this feeling about, and listen for an answer), so you can tap on it. Or tap with this again to bring up those feelings when you have time to spend a few more minutes helping yourself.

I don’t know about you, but when I enjoy what I’m doing, I have more energy, I’m more creative, and I feel free.

Finding a Way to Feel Joy…

By Carol Look, EFT Master

The Law of Attraction works all the time.  To oversimplify this principle: if you focus on lack, you will get more lack, if you focus on abundance, you will open the door to attracting more abundance. The easy part for us is that this “law” leaves us with one simple job — to find a way to focus on joy, regardless of negative situations that may be circulating through our lives.  The more we focus on joy, the higher our vibration; the higher our vibration, the more abundance we attract into our lives. 

Does this mean we should be in denial about reality?  No, it just means that it is within our power to decide how much time we spend focusing on challenges that bother us, situations we are powerless over, or issues that make us optimistic and happy.  We get to choose…

Perhaps like many people these days, you may be worried about your financial situation, the mortgage payments or how you will be able to afford your children’s education.  The worries may all be valid…but it’s up to you to make time to focus on what is going well.

Perhaps you have some troubles at home with your kids or in your relationship.  It may seem factual to you – your teenager is getting into trouble and you should do something about it… but it’s also up to you to find time to write your gratitude list and focus on joy in your life.

We can’t control other people or our government, we can’t control our friends or adversaries, so why don’t we start controlling what we can — our focus on joy — and use this as a way to invite the Law of Attraction to partner with us to bring us what we want in our lives?  Remember, the higher your vibration, the more clear and pure your positive signal is to the Universe.  When your signal is clear, the Universe can ”hear” you and deliver what you want into your life. 

Try the EFT setup phrases below to refocus your energy…

EFT SETUP PHRASES:

The EFT SETUP Phrases for this topic are as follows:

While tapping the karate chop spot on either hand, repeat these phrases out loud, (or change the words to fit your exact situation).

“Even though I can’t help focusing on my problems, I deeply and completely accept all of me and my feelings.”

“Even though I have a bad habit of worrying about what’s wrong, I choose to make some new positive habits.”

“Even though I seem pulled towards my problems, I’m willing to start focusing on joy now.”

I have indicated where to tap while saying each of the phrases below. You may repeat the positive round more than once if you wish.

***Now for the phrases that focus on the problem***

Eyebrow: “I keep focusing on my problems.”
Side of Eye: “It’s one of my bad habits.”
Under Eye: “I want to focus on joy but I can’t.”
Nose: “I have this habit of focusing on negativity.”
Chin: “I have a lot of troubles right now.”
Collarbone: “I don’t know how to change my focus.”
Under Arm: “There is so much to worry about.”
Head: “All my worries…”

***Now for the positive focus on the solution***

Eyebrow: “I choose to focus on joy.”
Side of Eye: “I want to feel joyful.”
Under Eye: “But shouldn’t I focus on reality?”
Nose: “I appreciate so much joy in my life.”
Chin: “I love being more positive.”
Collarbone: “I want to focus on joy in my life.”
Under Arm: “I choose to feel joyful.”
Head: “I know just what to focus on to feel joyful…”

Then tap on the following phrases as you complete one more round:

Eyebrow: “I love knowing we all deserve abundance…”
Side of Eye: “I choose to tune into the guidance I am receiving…”
Under Eye: “I appreciate the prosperity in my life…”
Nose: “I love appreciating myself, my friends, my opportunities…”
Chin: “I’m grateful for all the new channels for abundance…”
Collarbone: “I appreciate exactly who I am…”
Under Arm: “I appreciate all the lessons I have learned…”
Head: “I am so grateful for all the prosperity in my life.”
 

Now focus on the joy you are feeling, and really let it in!

Carol Look is the author of many popular products using the Law of Attraction and EFT. Sign up for her Abundance Newsletter and get her free e-book, Top Ten Tapping Scripts with EFT and Law of Attraction: http://www.attractingabundance.com

Inner Tapping

If you want to target the root cause of fears, beliefs, and blocks, Inner Tapping can help. And it is a potent way to unfreeze old traumas still stuck in your energy system.

What is Inner Tapping? It is a technique that guides you back to the original memories and events that created a given mindset. It then releases the “frozen” aspects in the primitive brain and the body-mind. It’s sort of “surrogate tapping for your younger self.” By tapping on the younger you who experienced the event and offering compassion and understanding, new resources become available, and we find ourselves empowered and more free.

If you’re tired of hearing your mother’s nagging voice in your head, or your father’s disapproval every time you start a project, this can be your magic eraser. If part of you is terrified of public speaking because you subconsiously fear the laughter of your kindergarten classmates, and you would like to find relief from that tension, this is the fastest and most thorough way we know of to achieve that.

For immediate access to the video presentation Inner Tapping and announcements on the topic of Trauma Relief and a Thriving Life, complete the form below and click GO. (Or just click GO without filling out the form… we’re flexible…)

This will take you to www.Thrivingnow.com where the video Rick and I co-created is located.

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What Is The Law of Attraction?

We find the teachings of Abraham (www.Abraham-Hicks.com) a wonderful source of learning and inspiration.

The Law of Attraction states “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Basically, that means what you focus on, you get more of. What you pay attention to gets bigger… and plays bigger in your life experience. Your conscious and unconscious beliefs determine what joy, abundance, suffering and lack you find in your life.

One of the basic tenets of the Law of Attraction (LoA) is that the universe is a wonderful, abundant, loving place. Any lack we experience is because of our perceptions. If we are open to allowing abundance in our lives, we can receive it. Many of us were raised with beliefs that we must deserve it, work hard for it, there is only a little bit, only other people get good things, etc. As we shift those limiting beliefs, we find our lives becoming richer and full of possibilities. A wonderful resource for shifting those beliefs is Carol Look’s Book on Attracting Financial Abundance.

How do we activate the Law of Attraction?

We don’t need to activate the LoA, that’s really a misnomer. The Law of Attraction is always at work, just like gravity. If we become conscious of the law and understand how it works, as Newton helped us understand why things fall, we can use it much more easily, send a rocket ship to the moon!

We’re talking about being conscious of the Law of Attraction. If we accept that this really is a vibrational universe that responds to the energy and desires we are sending out, then improving our lives is about activating the LoA CONSCIOUSLY with CHOICE. This leads us to purposely improving our vibration and intentionally removing blocks so we can attract what we want in our lives… including the emotional experience of financial abundance. Energy Tapping is a powerful way to change our vibration and release the blocks that keep us from living the life we choose.

So how do I consciously use the Law of Attraction?

As we change our vibration, even slightly, we start attracting different things into our lives. Energy Tapping consciously uses energy. It helps us change our vibration by identifying what is in our way, and releasing it. We can also choose our focus, and be open to seeing things in a more positive light

We can also start noticing the thoughts and beliefs that direct our actions, rather than operating on autopilot. What fears and negative beliefs cause us to reject a friend’s offer of help? Or make us stumble at a job interview we’d really like to go smoothly. As we identify the blocks, some tapping will often shift them out of our way.

What are the steps for Law of Attraction?

Abraham says that there are 3 steps involved in abundance.

1. Asking (and he says we’re already really good at that, we generally know how to wish and dream well).

2. The universe providing (this is not our job, and it happens without any effort on our part, it is done).

3. Allowing what we’ve asked for.

The last step, Allowing, is where people generally have the most trouble. Fears, beliefs about scarcity, and self judgments get in the way. So the biggest problem is allowing what we’ve asked for to come to us. We can change our beliefs and focus so we can receive what we’ve been asking for. We can tap on our beliefs around Scarcity, and Self-Judgments we have about abundance.

One of the misconceptions about LoA is that we must never look at anything bad. While, it’s true that focusing what is going good in our lives helps our vibration, it’s okay to acknowledge “I am where I am“. Especially since looking at ourselves objectively allows us to notice what we’d like to change.

In other words, it is not so helpful to dwell on everything “wrong” or possibly bad in your life. When we focus on all the things that are bad, we lower our vibration, and the universe sends us more to match what we’re sending out. Notice where you are, and what you’d like to change. Then tap on the issues that are holding you back, and move your focus to what is going right in your life.

I remember one person sharing, that when she first started this process she was so sick and miserable, the only good thing she could find in her life was the pretty color of her bedspread. By focusing on the color, how it made her feel and her gratitude for that one positive aspect, she shifted her vibration. As we move old negative blocks out of the way, it becomes easier and easier to notice the beauty and joy all around us. Tapping on the positive can help that trend.

Denial of what is going on doesn’t work. The more we resist a thought or feeling, the more energy we give it. And denial is frightening- if you can’t even look at what you fear, your mind thinks that it’s too big to deal with. If a fear or belief is in your way, stop, look and shift it. And continue practicing noticing the good things that are going on.

What will happen when I start intentionally using LoA?

Your deliberate effort to tell a new story will establish a new pattern of thought, providing you with a new point of attraction from your present, about your past, and into your future. The simple effort of looking for positive aspects will set a new vibrational tone that will begin the immediate attraction of thoughts, people, circumstances, and things that are pleasing to you.

Am I bad if bad things happen?

Accepting that we are the prime creators in our own lives is very empowering. But some people use this as a reason to beat themselves up if they have a negative experience. What you are manifesting is SIMPLY a vibrational indicator… not blame or something to beat yourself up about. If the gas gauge on your car were empty, you wouldn’t ignore it, or beat yourself up about it. You wouldn’t plaster a smiley face sticker over it and hope that everything will be ok. You would notice it, and do something about it (go to the gas station and fill it up). If you find less pleasing events occurring in your life, stop and notice what might be attracting them, and do some tapping!

How do I change my focus?

There are different levels of changing focus and our direction of vibration for Law of Attraction.

The first one doesn’t really work, but many people who watch “The Secret” try this. It’s called resisting. Don’t think about the bad stuff, ignore it with all your might!!! It doesn’t actually work. If someone tells you, “don’t think of pink elephant in center of room”, you would immediately be very aware of it. If you try not to think about your right knee, you immediately focus on it. Whatever we are resisting, we are still focusing on. We are still vibrating at the lower energy.

We can change focus. This is a shorter term fix, but it keeps us from wallowing in the mud. Something like, “Even though I missed my flight (acknowledging what happened), I was able to get another in an hour, and I can relax and talk to my friend on the phone in the meantime. It’s not the end of the world!” Even when something is going “wrong” we can focus on what is going right, appreciate, radiate love for someone, to someone. Or at least switch to NEUTRAL with a simple tapping-breathing exercise. And then as soon as possible, stop beating the drum of the negative experience. How do we tell the difference between processing negative experiences and beating the drum? Notice if the negative energy getting more intense with the retelling? Or less? If it’s intensifying, we’re probably dwelling on it, rather than processing it out.

The last way to change our focus involves changing our conscious and unconscious beliefs using tapping or other techniques. Our focus will naturally change as we release blocks and old beliefs. To do this, we identify the belief or fear that is coming up and drawing our attention to the negative. It often helps to think back to where we learned that energy, perhaps it was a parent or teacher telling us the “rule” or an incident that we interpreted to mean that. Then we can tap on it, and reframe the believe into something more useful and productive for our wellbeing.

Depending on the situation you’re in when you notice a limiting belief (if you’re in the middle of meeting, you probably can’t start tapping on an intense issue) choose which level of change is appropriate. Take notes on what’s coming up if possible, and tap when you can.

Why don’t we manifest our desires immediately?

If this is an abundant universe that is responsive to what I want, why do I have to wait to get what I’m asking for? Abraham mentions that there is a delay in manifesting, with good reason. If we were manifesting every thought and passing desire, it would be a strange life. Very discontinuous. We’d be eating a bowl of ice cream and it would start changing from chocolate to strawberry to mint.

The universe seems to give us time to “try things on” in our minds, and if we keep asking, then it can arrive in our lives. Our tastes, our preferences, change ALL the time. Manifesting slows down the flow IN PHYSICAL, yet we can savor the vibrational essence of our desires immediately. Once we manifest something (like a relationship that is a match to us at the time), we want to explore that, and it can slow down our movement toward who we want to be.

How do we claim abundance NOW?

At some point, we make a decision. We decide that abundance exists. That there is evidence that the universe is abundant. We make a choice to claim joint ownership in the abundance in the world AS IT IS.

“I acknowledge those things that are abundant, right here, right now.”

By tuning our focus to what is good in our lives, we can shift VIBRATIONALLY from miserable to okay, then from okay to pretty good. And when we’re in a vibrational place of “okay,” we’re much more open to other options that we couldn’t remotely see when we were miserable. It’s much harder to notice ways we can improve our lives when we’re spending all our energy and time complaining and noticing what’s going wrong.

Birds don’t own the seeds in the field, and they don’t have a bank account with money to buy more, but they sing and celebrate and really enjoy the seeds and worms that are a part of their life! If we can appreciate something we spent a few dollars on, that someone created for us, or we created for ourselves, that is abundance.

Practice celebrating! And tap on any fears that come up about not having enough security or safety. If we are fearful, we will not feel safe even if we have lots of money in the bank, a wonderful partner, a healthy body or a great house. Instead, we’ll be fearing, “What if the bank crashes!!?!?”, “What if I get sick and need more money?”, “What if he leaves me”, “What if it’s not enough???” Many people say “I will allow myself to feel abundant when ____.” (When I have a million dollars, for example). If you haven’t practiced feeling abundant along the way, you probably won’t find the FEELING of ABUNDANCE when the million dollars shows up, or it will be a fleeting experience. You might suddenly realize you need 10 million to really feel secure.

What do I do?

To allow more abundance in your life,
Notice what is blocking you (fears, beliefs, rules) and tap on them.
- Spend time appreciating and feeling grateful for what is in your life that feels good.
Be gentle with yourself, realize this is a process, and you will get better and better at it as you practice!

Mining the moment for something that feels good, something to appreciate, something to savor, something to take in, that’s what your moments are about. They’re not about justifying your existence. It’s justified. You exist. It’s not about proving your worthiness. It’s done. You’re worthy. It’s not about achieving success. You never get it done. It’s about “How much can this moment deliver to me”? And some of you like them fast, some of you like them slow. No one’s taking score. You get to choose. The only measurement is between my desire and my allowing. And your emotions tell you everything about that.
Abraham-Hicks, April 20th, 2002

Welcome

Our nature is to be joyful and loving. When people experience a trauma (it doesn’t have to be something huge, just perceived as life threatening or dangerous), and don’t discharge it, the experience seems to create a block in our energy system. Part of us becomes “stuck” in that moment, unable to move forward until we process and release the fears and beliefs.

 Adults can pass on blocks to their children, as well. We learn by energetically copying our parents and teachers. Mirror neurons actually form a copy of the event or person that we internalize. If our caregivers didn’t have a good way to release old fears, we can absorb them energetically, and carry them through our lives. When we are full of fears and old resentments, it’s much harder to feel joyful and loving.   That’s why Energy Tapping can be so powerful. We can go back and heal old wounds, reperceive old lessons, and be free to enjoy the wonder of our lives.

If you’ve felt stuck, unhappy, or just haven’t been able to take action towards your goals, Energy Tapping combined with Law of Attraction and Inner Child work may be what you’ve been searching for.

I invite you to explore, through private sessions, group coaching, or audios for sale at Thrivingnow.com.

Isn’t it time to have a joyful life?Abraham-Hicks
“You are joy, looking for a way to express. It’s not just that your purpose is joy, it is that you are joy. You are love and joy and freedom and clarity expressing. Energy—frolicking and eager—that’s who you are. And so, if you’re always reaching for alignment with that, you’re always on your path, and your path will take you into all kinds of places. We will not deny that you will not discover miracles and create benefits and be involved in creation, and that you will not uplift humanity…we will not say that you will not find satisfaction in so many things that you create, but we can’t get away from the acknowledgment that you are Pure Positive Energy that translates into the human emotion of joy.”

Workshop December 13th, 2003

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Law of Attraction

Finding a balance: being positive does not mean ignoring reality

Abe uses an analogy of a gas gauge. Slapping a smiley face sticker over the gas gauge when it’s pointing to empty will not help us flow to abundance. Activating the Law of Attraction to bring us abundance of any kind (love, money, sucess) is not about ignoring reality. That’s rather like holding a beach ball under water- it takes time, focus and energy, and it gets tiring after awhile!

Sticking with Abe’s analogy of the gas gauge, let’s explore this:

Say we’re stuck on the side of the road, out of gas. Slapping a happy sticker over the gas gauge is not going to get us anywhere. It isn’t going to get the tank filled or get us a ride. Pretending with all our might that we’re at our destination already won’t force that to happen. If someone stopped and offered a ride, would you say “no thanks, I am focusing on the tank being full and I’m going to sit here until it fills up”??

Getting out of the car and stomping and swearing and kicking the car won’t do much to help either (though it might entertain someone passing by, they may decide it isn’t safe to stop and help an insane person…).

We’re blessed because we have tapping. We can tap on any panic or anger or blame that’s coming up, acknowlege them and release them, so we can make calm and connected decisions. We can ask for and listen to what guidance comes.

We can make a phone call to AAA or a friend if we have a cell phone. We can look around to see if there is someplace we can get help. If neither is an option (say we’re out of cell range and there aren’t any houses or businesses nearby), we can put the hood up so people know we need help. We can decide if it feels right to try walking forward or going back. So we are looking at the current reality – but not DWELLING on the negative. We are looking for openings, for solutions.

Say that the best decision seems to be to wait until someone sends help. We can do some tapping asking the universe to help us, and to remove whatever stress might be coming up. At this point, staying focused on the problem isn’t really helpful. We have looked squarely at the issue, tapped to get to a calm centered place and to ask for guidance and help. We’ve taken what actions we can reasonably take. So instead of staying focused on the problem, we can draw our attention to the positive around us. We can feel how helpful it is that we have tapping to help with the emotions, be grateful that we remembered to tap, notice how comfy the car seat is (much better than sitting in a rocky dusty anthill on the side of the road). The breeze might be nice, getting some sun and being outdoors can be enjoyable. We can contemplate possible good solutions to help arriving, notice how we feel when we connect with the energy of it happening, without requiring that the universe deliver it just in that manner. Our vibration is at least neutral, and maybe even calmly content?! We have some nice down time to be by ourselves, enjoying the day and our own company. The universe can feel that openness and happiness. And our intention and willingness that a wonderful easy solution manifest. We are also willing to do what feels right to help that along.

Compare that to a person who is stuck in the negative. Reacting out of panic. Anger. Gloom and doom. 1) It is much harder to make good decisions from that place, and 2) we aren’t enjoying life or very open to possibilities. Even if both people had to wait the same amount of time for a tow truck, whose body feels light and relaxed, and whose is stressed, exhausted and ill? Who has energy to complete the journey in a safe and fun way? And feels pretty good about themselves?

This applies to emotional and physical pain as well. We don’t have to do it all at once- either. When the pain is long standing and based on deeply held beliefs and traumas, we often can’t tap it away in a few rounds. So if we set aside some time for us, each day or as feels right to our body, to look squarely at where we are. Then tap on the emotions around it and any underlying memories and traumas. We can tap for guidance and take the actions we feel drawn to do- get a massage, get a coaching session, take a nap, journal, mediate- whatever. Then we can turn it over to the universe and appreciate what is going good in our life rather than dwelling on the pain. (We do know that can be very difficult when the pain is intense- we’re not saying you have to walk around with a smile on your face all the time, but most people have something they can appreciate, even if it’s that the pain is a bit less right now, and the color of the curtains in the sun is rather pretty.) Finding that balance is not always graceful or smooth- but following body guidance and taking things in baby steps makes it easier. And practice helps a lot. Sometimes it can help to ask “is there anything I can do in this moment to help?”. It might be as simple as taking a deep breath, noticing source energy around you loving you, or just tuning into your body.

If you want help with this process, the group coaching program at Thriving Now may be a good fit. For more information:

www.thrivingnow.com/team